12 february of 2001
For a long time, I wake up without nightmares in my mind. Whatever I do my memories came back to hung me or maybe to remember me to not make the wrong choice. I get up with great difficulty and walk to my library, it's my sanctuary. With a cup of tea and my old journal, I try to kill my demons and my demons, as you can see, they're my memories. Every time I close my eyes I see this world with no colors, full of sadness. I call this world "1984". I see myself when I was young afraid by cameras which looks like the eyes of demons. My parents told me that they would be there forever but they lied to me, they abandoned me in this cold world. I grew up in this world, these same eyes scrutinized me everywhere, at home, at work or in the street. I felt trapped and so alone. People around me don't pay attention to me, I had to take care of myself and build my life without help. When I became an adult nothing had changed, just the fact that I had to look like a robot. No emotions, no questions, just work. But the more I grew up, the more I wanted to learn about this world and I think that they were right. Ignorance is strength. If you knew more that you had to know you were in danger. The world "1984" is in danger. And you have to die... This is what happens with the only friend that I made, Simon. He was like me, in constant search of truth. One day, I think he was too close of the light of "truth" that he never came back. And one more time in my life someone left me with demons.